Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
