guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish there were birth control emojis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
