either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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