she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
