oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
