I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
