Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize