Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
