You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
