I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we're so committed to being not committed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
