Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
