He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
