problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
