p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Farmville is her only friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
