Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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