Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
