Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
