I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize