So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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