'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
