Betty ford says i'm here all night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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