he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
