If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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