You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
