My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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