you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize