i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
