Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
