My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
