So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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