i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
