Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
