Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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