I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize