i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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