I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
