Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In America we eat man semen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
