One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
