My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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