That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
