i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
