I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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