I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
