Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
