I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
