just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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