last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
