I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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