the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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