you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
