I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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