Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
