Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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