My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize