how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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