Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just forgot I was standing up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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