I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
God, I missed his penis.
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