im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
