dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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