Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize