This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
