I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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