First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
