I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
