Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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