And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize