I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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