i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
