also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
