Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
