Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
