I wish my penis had an off switch
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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