Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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