Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize