Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
