she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
