you didnt know i had herpes?
This house was built for laser tag.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
