You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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