Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
