So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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