but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
