I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
