Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
where are my eyebrows?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
