Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
