I'm going to jail i love you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
