hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
