I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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