the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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