call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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