Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
