Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
