We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
