hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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