I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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