Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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