He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
