someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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