We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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