Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
