I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
